Lucille
I was born in Wheeling West Virginia according to my mother and father. They also told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy were real, too, so I believe their testimony as to my nativity only because my birth certificate backs them up.
I forgave them for playing fast and loose with the truth. After all, the bunny brought candy, Santa brought gifts that were suspiciously practical, and the TF gave good, hard, if not enough, cash.
I was eating a pizza with a friend of mine in college when we started discussing our future careers. After we got bored practicing, “Do you want fries with that?”, we got down to serious ways to go broke. She mentioned that she had always been curious about law school because all of the lawyers she ever knew were jerks or politicians. Of course, that offended me. We jerks have our standards, and I dare say they are a bit higher then pond scum and politics. But, I repeat myself. .
My friend convinced me that I was skilled at making something out of nothing, although she actually grumbled something about mountains and mole hills, so I decided to avoid the real world for a few more years by applying to law school.
I have been in practice in our quaint little town for almost, not quite, but ALMOST 29 long years. This means I have a lot of opinions, experience, and about the same amount of cash as the TF used to leave under my pillow. It also means that I have the privilege of Judgipoo’s company several times a month. That is all the proof I need that there is a gray cloud behind every silver lining.
My secretary, Radar has worked for me for almost 17 years. She has been very loyal and opinionated during our time together. I’d fire her, but she doesn’t deserve the happiness such an event would bring.
My family includes 5 siblings. You have met my sister, Lady Baltimore in these pages. My other siblings include Chicagoann who is married to My-Brother-In-Law-The-Islamic-Terrorist. My next sister, San Antonia, my sister, Sallienapolis, and my brother Lord Granger comprise the rest of my Christmas list when they haven’t annoyed me too much.
Of course, no self portrait would be complete, (I gave up on accuracy long ago) without mention of my best friend, TJ, The Golden Retriever. He is my dog guide, more or less, and his training is impeccable if we can overlook a few eccentricities. Look, if you leave it on the counter, on the kitchen table, or any place an inquisitive muzzle can reach, it’s fair game.
I have been working on my web site http://www.couple-or-not.com since Heck was a pup, G-d was a girl and the big bang was only a theory. It is a work in progress, but you are cordially invited to visit and comment on its brilliant prose. Then, when I have reached perfection, or hell has frozen over, I will remember my humble beginnings and share the blame — I mean credit — Or do I really mean blame — hmmmm — with you.
Well, now you know as much about me as I do. For more information, assume the lotus position and thank heavens you live in a different neighborhood. And, thanks for giving me a place to write that doesn’t require me to use Latin to sound intelligent. Okay, maybe “intelligent” is an exaggeration. Anyway, I enjoy writing for “RGQ”, and hope to keep the Judgipoo stories coming for a long time. Of course, if I win the lottery I’ll drop Judgipoo like a hot potato and tell you about the customs and habits of the people who serve me on my private tropical island.