seems like as soon as we are able to hold a pencil or crayon we try
to draw. Sometimes our choice of drawing surface is the walls or floors
of our homes, but eventually we learn that our artistic endeavors are
better suited to paper.
we begin school our artistic side is usually encouraged. I remember
there being plenty of time devoted to art in grade school. Especially
around holidays we were given holiday art projects.
on our own most of the boys were drawing monsters, cars, trucks, guns,
planes and ships. When Halloween came around we were encouraged to draw
pictures that included devils, monsters, vampires, cats, and jack-o-lanterns.
realize that was a different time, nowadays kids get arrested for drawing
guns or soldiers shooting people. But what if the teacher encouraged
the students to draw monsters? Should they be punished for what they
to last Fridays Savannah Morning News, Pooler Elementary School art
teacher Lloyd Harold assigned a special drawing activity. ‘The
assignment was to draw a scary mask or picture - basically a Halloween
activity,’ Harold said.”
(Hood) drew a scarred vampire with bloodshot eyes and with blood dripping
from its nose, mouth and down its cheeks. Art teacher Lloyd Harold helped
the boy shade the sketched eyes to give the drawing an even creepier
a final gory touch, Jordan used a red marker to write ‘I Kill
For Blood’ under his drawing.”
appears that the art class was a success. The teacher helped Jordan
with his picture and everyone seemed pleased.
when Jordan’s homeroom teacher, Melissa Pevey, saw the drawing, she
found it disturbing. Pevey was concerned enough to contact assistant
principal Valerie Johnson and Campus Police.”
it wasn’t blood and gore that bothered Pevey. She believed the blood
looked a lot like gang-related teardrop tattoos, and she thought the
words ‘I Kill For Blood’ could be tied to an infamous Los
Angeles street gang known as The Bloods.”
the end of the day, Jordan was being told he could not return to Pooler
Elementary School until he passed a psychological evaluation.”
he only lost about two hours of instruction, his mother fears the incident
also might cost him a bit of innocence and trust. ‘He didn’t know
anything about gang symbols until the teacher accused him,’ she
don’t really know what to say. It’s not like this is a Los
Angeles school where The Bloods might be an influence. It’s not
like the child drew the picture all on his own. The art teacher asked
the students to draw a scary picture and even helped.
it time adults backed off a little bit and let kids be kids? I know
there have been some tragic incidents involving children and violence
in schools, but most kids are just that, kids! They have no intention
of killing anybody.
the homeroom teacher overreact? Was it appropriate to make the child
have a psychological evaluation? If this was your child or grandchild
wouldn’t you be upset by the way he was treated? What, in your
opinion, would have been the best way to handle this?
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"A committee has six or more legs and no brain." - Anonymous
"A conference is a
gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together
can decide that nothing can be done." - Fred Allen
are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses."
- Margaret Miller
A Month Overdue
[Thanks to Bonnie in Louisiana]
Mr. Wilson comes
home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. I have
great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can’t tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta
Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?"
AEC guy, "You’re a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!" says the AEC guy.
"What are you saying? It’s in your files. HOW?"
"Yes. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue."
"GOD! This is too much."
"Madam, I am sorry. I am following orders. I have to inform you
"I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He
will speak to your company tomorrow."
That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.
"What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC,
"It’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.
of seeing what everyone has seen and thinking what no one
else has thought.” - Albert Szent Gyorgi
done’ is better than ‘well said’.” - Benjamin
This will be a short article. It may well contain double entendres.
There will be no long speculations or ‘what if’s’;
I’m actually at a loss for words.
We humans have one upped ourselves. We are not content with Mother Nature’s
design of our bodies; we try to improve on the grand design. Admittedly
there are several possibilities or designs of any given part of the
body and mixing and matching those with other body parts of nearly infinite
design we come up with billions of people as individual as snowflakes.
Identical twins excluded. We always seem to see a body part on someone
else that we’d like to have. (With me it’s a thin waist
and washboard abs)
Tens of thousands of years ago we started altering natures design by
applying colors and designs to our skin by painting and then tattooing.
We cut our hair and shaped our hair by combing and braiding. We grew
beards and shaved our faces. We started body piercing and invented jewelry.
Hell, we invented cosmetology before language!
We invented padded breasts, padded butts, padded groins (codpiece),
false eyelashes, and wigs. We developed false teeth. We developed breast,
butt, and chin implants. We developed tummy tucks and face lifts, and
a whole series of surgical techniques to lift and shift anything that’s
liftable or shiftable. We have Botox injections for pouty lips and liposuction
for skinny hips. We have rings and things piercing every conceivable
body part from
labia rings to Prince
Albert’s. The mere thought of these brings tears to my eyes.
We have finally come to the point where we replace what we have taken
away. Now available in several sizes (one size could never fit all,
though size isn’t supposed to matter), we have faux
is marketing turtlenecks for our little (at least in my case) friends.
Gag a maggot. What the hell is next? Anal implants to rehab the well
stretched sphincters of willing bum boys?
The Bad Sied
On this day in history, November
5, 1885: Will Durant is born in North Adams, Massachusetts. His early
education was overseen by Jesuits at St. Peter’s Preparatory School. He
continued to study at St. Peter’s College and graduated in 1907. He first
worked as a reporter and then began teaching at Seton Hall College. He
subjects were Latin, French, English, and geometry and he was the librarian,
as well. He switched jobs and went to Ferrier Modern School, an experimental
libertarian venue. He met a young immigrant and quit his job in order
to marry his student. Ariel was 15 and he was 28 when they wed.
The Story of Civilization begins with Our Oriental Heritage
and continues through 12 volumes. There are over 2 million words printed
on nearly 10,000 pages. Will wrote the first 6 volumes and acknowledged
his wife’s help and the last six were co-authored by the couple. The Story
is incomplete. The Durants wished to tell the world’s story up to the
20th century. While they were both granted long lives, Will died in 1981
at age 96 just weeks after Ariel, they never got to finish their work.
It ended with The Age of Napoleon. Their life/love story was published
in 1977 – A Dual Autobiography.
"Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty, and dies with
chaos." - Will Durant
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
- Will Durant
"Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without
notice." - Will Durant
like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see
a man live so that his place will be proud of him.”
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
It was a big day for me today. I took one final look through the documents,
sealed the envelope, wished it luck, and held my breath as I dropped
it into the mailbox. By Thursday morning, the envelope will have arrived
at its destination in Nova Scotia, and shortly thereafter its contents
will be under scrutiny by the first in a series of people. Their collective
responsibility will be to determine whether I am worthy to be granted
status as a Canadian citizen. If my application succeeds, I will be
required to pass a written citizenship test, and then - eight or nine
months from now - I will be invited to a ceremony, in which I will swear
my allegiance to Canada and become a citizen.
The decision to apply for citizenship was so easy, it was practically
a no-brainer. I have been living in Canada for more than eight years
now, and have held permanent resident status for three. I have a Canadian
husband and my kids were born here. I have a job I like, and after a
tough start, I’ve made something of a life for myself here. I have no
intention of living anywhere else. When you think about it, it would
make very little sense for me to not pursue citizenship.
Why, then, am I making such a song and dance about it? The answer, quite
simply, is that I have been taken by surprise at what an emotional process
it is. Yes, I love living in Canada, and I do not regret my decision
to come here. And yes, South Africa has some pretty intense problems
right now. For various reasons, which have more to do with Canada’s
benefits than with South Africa’s drawbacks, I am glad to be raising
my kids here rather than there.
But no matter where I go or what I do, South Africa will always be the
land of my birth. I will always carry with me the heritage of the harsh
African sun, of the stunningly intense Highveld storms, of the vibrant
energy of the soil. I was born in a land of hope and turmoil, unrest
and reconciliation, despair and triumph. I was part of the crowd that
witnessed the release of Nelson Mandela; I stood in line for nine hours
to vote in South Africa’s first democratic election. I have witnessed
- indeed, been a small part of - the most exciting and dynamic part
of South Africa’s history. Although I made the choice to leave, I am
proud to be able to claim South Africa as my native country.
This is why applying for citizenship of another country leaves me with
a bittersweet feeling. I cannot adequately explain why I feel this way,
maybe because I don’t fully understand it myself. After all, I am permitted
by both countries to hold dual citizenship. No-one’s asking or expecting
me to turn my back on South Africa.
Maybe the way I feel is simply a normal human reaction to moving into
a new phase of my life. It’s as if I’m saying, “South Africa, you gave
birth to me, raised me, shaped the person I am. And I will always love
you, but I need to entrust myself to Canada now.”
As proud as I am to have been born in South Africa, I will be immensely
proud and honoured when, hopefully soon, I can call myself a Canadian.
As you know, we have a new computer system at work. Part of that system
is a web server, which I have spent the last 10 months setting up. Recently
more and more students have been using it because they start registering
for the Spring semester next week. But there is a slight problem with
You see, we only have 50 licenses for the database server. The web
site is only supposed to use 2 of those licenses even if 30 people
are logged on (the most we’ve ever had at one time). Eventually as
more people use the web site, it will want more licenses, but what
has been happening lately is that we have been running out of licenses
for the database server. This is not a good thing as no one else can
log in to use the database server until someone else logs off. There
is also one more interesting thing that happens.
My web site decides it wants more licenses, so it grabs them as they
become available. That means that even if someone logs off, no one
else can log on because the web site took their license even though
there might only be 5 people using the web site. Eventually it hits
the maximum number of licenses it’s allowed to use and stops taking
licenses, but I’ve seen it use as many as 12 licenses when there are
only 5 people trying to use the web site. And even though it has all
those licenses, it still doesn’t work. That isn’t a good thing.
So we called our vendor and told them to take some of the licenses
we have on our test server and put them on our live server, but they
haven’t done that yet. They were supposed to do it yesterday morning.
They have to do it soon because registration starts next week, and
if the web site doesn’t work, students can’t register. If students
can’t register, we can’t send them a bill. If they don’t get a bill,
they can’t pay the bill. If they can’t pay their bill, I don’t get
paid, and I really like getting paid.
So I thought and I thought and I thought some more, and I came up
with a solution that works. It kicks everyone off the web page, but
since they couldn’t use it anyway, that doesn’t matter. It only takes
a few seconds and they get an error, but all they have to do is log
back in and everything works again.
Sometimes I impress even myself.
Having a Ball with Yarns
To make lighter and fluffier mashed potatoes, add a pinch or two of
baking powder to the potatoes before whipping. - Peggy in Tonawanda,
Not such a bad turnout! Bruce was away last night so there will
probably be some late entries for next time. Let’s see what you
do with one of my opening lines.
Next opening line…
The next time I try to go vote…
There’s a great rhyming dictionary at http://www.rhymezone.com/
Limerick rules. http://freespace.virgin.net/merrick.sheldon/limerickrules.htm
me a nice, ice-cold beer;
It is something I hold very dear;
To enjoy at the end of the day;
After a roll in the hay;
Something I do everyday day of the year. - Bonnie
me a nice, ice-cold beer
Being a thing that I hold dear
It’s 40 below
But just goes to show
Tis important to me, that’s clear! - Maria in Illinois
me a nice, ice-cold root beer
And a big book of Shakespeare.
I will have it made
When I sit in the shade
And read while my drink does disappear. - Anne Onimous
me a nice, ice-cold beer.
Why to the glass do the bubbles adhere?
So instead of drinking
About foam I’m thinking
That’s because I’m an engineer. - Anne Onimous
me a nice, ice-cold beer
But I cannot drink it, I fear.
Since I am to drive
And home I’m to arrive
I must keep my head and sight clear. - E. Cole Aye
me a nice, ice-cold beer
But it’s counter productive, I fear.
Drinking post exercise
A poser does arise:
Which of my six-packs should disappear? - E. Cole Aye
me a nice, ice-cold beer
I wanted a six-pack, it’s clear.
I’m going on record
Taxes I can’t afford
Congress’ tax increase is most severe. - E. Cole Aye
me a nice, ice-cold beer
In fact, many cases for the whole year.
The election results
Just really sucks
So I’ll be drunk off my derrière. - E. Cole Aye
me a nice, ice-cold beer…
My intentions were really quite clear
I’d drink just this one
I drank six and fell on my rear. - Rick in Roanoke
me a nice, ice-cold beer…
I chugged it down without any fear
But I felt like a fool
When I fell off the stool
I forgot ’bout my screwed up inner ear. - Rick in Roanoke
the greatest thing I fear
Is your grasp of realism, my dear.
Putting you in touch
With The Truth will be such
A task in this election year! - E. Cole Aye
Re: Chinese Products
"When do we realize that this is a form of terrorism?" asks
Patty in reference to tainted products.
We realize that when we go mad. Terrorism involves intent to harm and
to affect policy. Dangerous consumer products are scary, but accidental
effects of the push for profits. Aerial bombing, house raids and bad jails
are more expensive and organized than guerilla warfare (as practiced by
George Washington) but are still genuine acts of terrorism. If you want
safe products, you need certified inspectors and/or a likelihood of lawsuits
over errors, not another front on the war. - Bob of the North
Re: What Did You Say?
Patti said: "So I went
into my house and got a Sam Kinison tape and played it quite loud."
Was this Sam Kinison tape from back when he was a preacher or when he
was a comedian? - Noella
[He had preacher albums? I only had comedy ones. But I did start it out
at a less offesive spot and the window shut quickly. So I turned it down.
Disclaimer- All quotes printed in this publication are believed to be accurately
attributed, but no guarantees are made that some incorrectly attributed,
or even outright false quotes won’t get in here from time to time.
I assure readers that I will do my best to weed out incorrect quotes, and
will print a retraction as soon as I become aware of any errors.
Click here to see the archives of past issues, or go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/reallygoodquotes/messages.
If you run across something really outstanding when perusing the archives,
I’d appreciate it if you’d mail me at TheBestOfRGQ@yahoo.com
and point it out to me. I’m in the process of compiling an e-book
called, not surprisingly, The Best of RGQ, and I’d like to hear from you
which pieces impacted you the most.
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