Really Good Quotes

October 17, 2008

October 17th, 2008
Really Good Quotes  "A mind, once expanded by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Greetings, Quotaholics:

I been a fan of the movies all my life. Everything from the Charlton Heston epic films to Smokey And The Bandit, Alfred Hichcock to Carl Reiner.

When I was young my friends and I would be dropped off at the theater on Saturday morning for the double feature. We would spend the whole day there watching films like "Ben Hur" , "The Birds", "Frankenstein", "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane", the list goes on and on.

Later in life, having a car meant going to the drive-in movie. The late 60’s and early 70’s brought films like "Midnight Cowboy" , "Vanishing Point" , "Evil Knievel", and of course "Easy Rider" the must see hippy film.

Every film left me with images I still recall when thinking about the film. Who can forget the birds attacking the man in the phone booth in "The Birds" ? The rat in the food tray in "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane"? The car crashing into the bull dozers in "Vanishing Point"?

If you were ever a film fan, you probably watched Siskel and Ebert on TV. Their film reviews made “Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down” the standard by which films were reviewed. The show is no longer on TV, and sadly Gene Siskel died in 1999. Roger Ebert however is alive and well and still writing about films for the Chicago Sun Times. He also has a blog titled Roger Ebert’s Journal.

In a recent blog entry he talked about a new stamp issued by the Postal Service and how they have messed with one of the iconic images from film. The stamp features the legendary actress, Betty Davis. According to Ebert, “The portrait by Michael Deas was inspired by a still photo from ‘All About Eve.’”

When you see the stamp, I’m sure you’ll recognize the image. It’s Davis in a pose that we’ve all seen a thousand times. But as Ebert points out something is missing. The portrait used by the Postal Service is missing the cigarette that was a Betty Davis trademark.

Ebert goes on to say, “The great Chicago photographer Victor Skrebneski took one of the most famous portraits of Davis. I showed him the stamp. His response: ‘I have been with Bette for years and I have never seen her without a cigarette! No cigarette! Who is this impostor?’ I imagine Davis might not object to a portrait of her without a cigarette, because she posed for many. But to have a cigarette removed from one of her most famous poses! What she did to Joan Crawford in ‘What Ever Happened to Baby Jane’ wouldn’t even compare to what ever would have happened to the artist Michael Deas.”

The Ebert article, as well as the rest of his blog, is a really good read and I encourage you to visit the site.

But doesn’t this seem a little crazy to you? Has the anti-smoking campaign gotten so powerful that we are now going to try to rewrite history and pretend smoking never happened? Does seeing people smoking glamorize it to the point of luring children, or adults, to try it?

If this works, I suggest we edit out people killing each other. Maybe films are to blame for all the crime and wars in the world.

Smoke em if ya got em,

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Today's Quotes

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up…the pilot dies." - Anonymous pilot

"Never trade luck for skill." - Anonymous

Today's Chuckle

[Thanks to Ken in California]

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Life Sentences

"Conservation is a state of harmony between men and land." - Aldo Leopold, American ecologist (1887-1948)

"Harmony with land is like harmony with a friend; you cannot cherish his right hand and chop off his left." - Aldo Leopold, American ecologist (1887-1948)

"Any party which takes credit for the rain must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the drought." - Dwight Morrow, American statesman, lawyer, banker, and diplomat (1873-1931)

Image'n That

Never Piss Off A Woman

Imp-Revised News

E-Mail the Imp

Monique gave me the lead to this after sending me an e-mail comment about my “Chain Saw Suicide” piece. Her e-mail mentioned another strange suicide that caused me to skip breakfast after reading it. It seems a man beset by “little voices” or “imagined aliens” or “CIA persecution” put a twist on hanging. He tied a rope to a tree, the other end to his neck, and took off in his car. Tore his head clean off!

I suppose if you’re determined to kill yourself any method that stops your breathing and heart from beating will do. It’s a matter of personal choice. There are ten fairly common ways of doing away with yourself, two of which I find fairly strange. In descending order, these methods are:

Drowning: Walking into the ocean; Electrocution: Taking a bath with an appliance; Exsanguination: Cutting your wrists, jugular, or femoral artery; Jumping: No bungee cord; Suffocation: Tie a bag around your head; Carbon Monoxide Inhalation: Inhale your car exhaust; Poison: There’s a cornucopia of household and garden products to choose from; Hanging: Wrap anything tightly around your neck with the other end attached to something high…then jump down; Drug (Alcohol) Overdose: WARNING – Will not work with Chocolate!; Gunshot: Gun in mouth, under chin, or pointed at the temple.

The two methods I find strange are drowning and suffocation. I’d think that the natural impulse to try to breathe would make these methods hard to make effective without some sort of drug induced unconsciousness.

But people do get creative. Way back in 1908, George Kennan reported in McClure’s Magazine, "One would naturally suppose that a person who had made up his mind to commit suicide would do so in the easiest, most convenient, and least painful way." Kennan concludes, "But the literature of the subject proves conclusively that hundreds of suicides, every year, take their lives in the most difficult, agonizing, and extraordinary ways; and that there is hardly a possible or conceivable method of self-destruction that has not been tried."

His article listed: Exploding dynamite in your mouth; Jumping into volcanoes and white-hot coke ovens; Throwing themselves on circular saws; swallowing poisonous spiders; and Self crucifixion.

I still believe my method is best…killing oneself with old age.

The Bad Sied 

Most Embarrassing or Scary Moment

Speak Up!

Speak right up!

Patti's Parenthetical Past

On this day in history,
October 17, 1860: The Open Championship is first played. Also called The Open or the British Open outside the UK, it is the oldest of the four major championships in men’s golf. The tournament is currently held over the weekend of the third Friday in July. Both The Masters and the US Open are played earlier in the season and The PGA Championship follows. The event takes place on one of nine historic courses in the UK. The prize fund, one time the lowest of the four major events, is now the highest at £4.2 million (about €6.2 million or $8.6 million).

Prestwick Golf Club hosted the first Open only for professional golfers the first year. The field of eight played three rounds on the 12-hole course all in one day. They completed their 36-hole rounds with Willie Park, Sr. taking the title. He beat the favored Old Tom Morris by two strokes with a final score of 174. The winner was awarded the Champion’s Belt – a red leather belt with a silver buckle. There was no prize money. A purse of £10 ($50) was added in 1863 but the monies were shared by the second, third, and fourth placed professionals while the leader was given the belt – for a year. If a player won three consecutive years, he got to keep the belt.

"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." - Jimmy Demaret

"Golf isn’t a game, it’s a choice that one makes with one’s life." - Charles Rosin

"If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States." - H. L. Mencken

Kids' Weird Words, The Date from Hell, How I Met My Mate
Kirsten's Krazy Kaleidoscope

Email Kirsten

“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.”
~ Richard Carlson ~

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard the expression, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. The question often occurs to me: why did the author of this saying pick on Rome? It may be true that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but neither were New York, London, Paris, Melbourne, or Timbuktu. Why doesn’t the saying go, “Timbuktu wasn’t built in a day”? Anyway, Rome can be built in a day. All you need - as demonstrated by my friend Andrew Four (I know so many Andrews that I have to number them) - is an abnormally large collection of Lego and a high level of stress. Andrew copes with stress by building stuff with Lego, and one day his ex-wife filed for an increase in child support payments. Andrew, who could barely get by on what the existing payments left him with, hauled out his boxes of Lego and built a crude miniature version of Rome. He even threw in an Eiffel tower, and when I pointed out that the Eiffel Tower wasn’t actually in Rome, he said, “Well, it is in my Rome”. So there.

When Andrew had successfully defeated the motion for increased child support (I mean, come on, his ex was earning more than him and he could hardly afford to put food on his table), we got to talking about the Lego thing. He said that building with Lego helps focus his concentration on something other than his problem, and the fact that his hands are occupied means he won’t punch a hole in the wall. He suggested that I write an article about how I deal with stress.

So here it is. Kirsten’s Favourite Stress Management Tools.

  • Like Andrew, I find it necessary to keep my hands and my mind busy. My kids won’t let me play with the Lego, though, so instead I make spaghetti sauce. All that chopping, sauteeing, and stirring helps take the edge off my anxiety. Strangely enough, the worse I feel, the better the sauce turns out.
  • I become almost obsessive about exercise. I am a prime example of the fight-or-flight response. If I cannot exercise while under stress, I almost panic. I need to do something with all that adrenalin flowing through my body.
  • I use humour as a defense mechanism. I start telling startled friends and colleagues bad knock-knock jokes about elephants.
  • I wait until the kids are asleep, and then I take a shower, where I can cry in peace. Nothing beats a good cry. I may as well multi-task and get clean in the process.
  • Two words. Retail Therapy.
  • If it’s late at night and I cannot sleep, I turn on the computer and play Peggle.
  • I root around on the Internet looking for news stories about people who’ve been victims of bad experiences. Not to revel in the misfortunes of others, but to remind myself that no matter how bad I feel, there’s always someone who’s having a much worse time than me. Some of these stories actually help me put my own life into perspective, thus enabling me to move on from whatever it is that’s stressing me out.
I know a woman who tries to levitate when she’s feeling stressed. Seriously. She sits cross-legged on her living room floor, closes her eyes, and tries to use force of will to lift herself from the ground. She figures that the effort makes her forget about the stress. I think it would make me even more stessed, trying to do the impossible.

There are as many ways of handling stress as there are people. I’ve heard of stressed people taking up boxing, spending an entire afternoon popping bubble wrap, launching themselves into housework, ripping up pieces of paper into shreds, jumping on pogo-sticks. As long as the stress mechanism technique doesn’t involve actual murder, there’s nothing wrong with any of it.

Just remember, it takes more muscles to frown than it does to flip the bird at whatever is ticking you off.

Kaleidoscopically yours,
Tim's Tales

Do you know anyone that frustrates you? I do. No matter what the conversation is about, she is right and I am wrong. That can be frustrating for me because I’m always right. Trying to convince her that I’m right is not easy, because she’s never wrong, even when she’s presented with concrete evidence that she is wrong. I’ve worked with her for years and we get along okay, unless she’s wrong. She’s always wrong.

Let me give you an example. As you know, we have a new computer system. She is the Associate Registrar, and I’m the Programmer. With our old system, the Ass could call the Pro and I would listen to what the Ass had to say before telling her no. She would call with stupid stuff like, “Someone just registered with checkered hair! I want a message to pop up to warn our clerks that this person has checkered hair!!!” It would be fairly obvious to the clerks that the student had checkered hair, but the Ass would still want the warning. I would explain how that it would slow down the clerks if this became a new fad, but she would still want it. Eventually she would waste more of my time on the phone than it would take me to program it, so I would relent.

I can’t do that with our new system. I’m not familiar enough with it just yet to work the “miracles” I could on the old system, so we bought a support contract. They have to write the programs for her inane requests until I get used to the new system. So they wrote a program because she insisted no one would search for classes using any of the twenty-nine other selection options. She also wanted “course comments” to print. There is an option for supplies, but she couldn’t use that. She needed course comments, even though the field size is the same for both supplies and comments.

Well, to make a long story longer, her wish was granted. I was informed that the update was installed on our test system, and that I should test it. I did. It worked. Course comments are in red print. You would notice them if your wish had been granted, especially if I called you to point them out. She didn’t. That conversation went kinda like this:

Pro: “Hi, Ass.”

Ass: “What do you want?” Ass isn’t particularly pleasant to me, but actually, there aren’t a lot of people that are. I wonder why….

Pro: “Look up Art 102 and tell me if you notice anything different.” After I installed the enhancement she wanted, I tested it by actually putting something in the comment field. It said, “This is a printed comment.“, and it was in red. I continued, “Do you see anything different?”

Ass: “No.”

Pro: “Look for red print.”

Ass: “Where?”

There are only a few Art 102 classes, and only one had “Comments: This is a printed comment.” printed in red. She was looking at the page when I had to direct her to the specific specific Art 102 class that met on Tuesday and Thursday, and that specific class had printed comments. “See?” I asked. “Comments work.”

Ass: “No they don’t.”

Pro: “Yes they do.”

Ass: “They can’t.” And then she yapped on and on about how she was told “yadda, yadda, yadda” and it couldn’t be done.

Pro: “I just tested it. It works.”

Ass: “Do you mean that we can enter comments here and they will appear there? No they won’t.”

So I changed the printed comment to read, You can enter a comment there and it will appear here.”

Pro. “Look up that course again.”

Ass: “No, that can’t be done. Somebody told me so.”

Pro: “Who?”

Ass: “I don’t remember, but that’s not what I wanted anyway.”

Pro: “That’s what you got. Deal with it.”

Ass: “blah, blah, blah” for five more minutes until I had her try it. “Wow, this is even better than I wanted!”

Tim a’Musing
Having a Ball being Right

Tip of the Day

When using dried beans and peas, keep in mind that 1 cup dry beans or peas makes 2 1/2 cups cooked. - Peggy in Tonawanda, New York


Only one submission, but the make-ups saved us!

Next opening line…
While drinking you seldom will see,…

Hints:  Here’s a great new rhyming/composition tool.
There’s also a great rhyming dictionary at
Limerick rules. 

Submit Opening Line
Submit Limerick

One time I pretended that I…
Was superman and I could fly.
Then I jumped from the roof
Knocked out all but one tooth
Busted nose and a big ole black eye. - Rick in Roanoke
The weatherman said it might rain
But he’s being a real pain
I don’t wish to be curt,
I live in the desert
And the thought of rain is just insane. - Anne Onimous
The weatherman said it might rain
Sure enough, it’s on my window pane.
It is now my desire
To sit by the warm fire
And watch an old western called “Shane.” - Anne Onimous
The weatherman said it might rain
And it might rain on that soggy plain.
With a lot of class
The weather he forecasts
For all the cities and towns in Spain. - Anne Onimous
The weatherman said it might rain
In my yard I left out my Great Dane.
I have but one regret
He will get all wet
And the stench will waft from here to Maine. - Anne Onimous
The weatherman said it might rain
But in politics we hear the refrain:
“It’s my opponent’s fault
But rain our plan will halt”
So Obama will blame McCain. - E. Cole Aye
The weatherman said it might rain
But in our political campaign
When they throw their mud
Both will call it a flood
Though the ground it will barely “stain.” - E. Cole Aye
The weatherman said it might rain
But more rain will be our bane
Here in Galveston
Rain we wish to shun
Ike’s a word we consider profane. - E. Cole Aye
I’m so damn mad I could spit. . .
What’s that synonym for excrement
That’s both mean and crass?
To use it one lacks class
Dung? Scat? Oh, crap. No, that’s not it. - E. Cole Eye

Reader Comments

Re: Foreclosure and Eviction

I really want to know about these rental properties that are being foreclosed by banks. If these renters are paying their rent to the landlords, why are the landlords not paying the mortgage? The more important questions is, can the tenants file charges against the landlords for not providing adequate services (the property) for their money? I guarantee the threat of criminal charges will cause landlords to think twice about not paying mortgages. - Nic in Indiana

My reaction to the sheriff who won’t just evict because some judge told him to is that I would like to buy him a beer. Someone who works for the gov’ment and thinks! Wow! Cool! I first heard about him on WLS, and I’ve been in love ever since. - Lucille

That sheriff is exemplary, but his sense of decency is not something we should have to rely on. The safety belt should not be the only thing that keeps you in your seat unless everything else is crashing. In this case, the rest of the justice system is broken. The Nuremburg trials still encourage individuals to resist institutionalized evil. - Bob of the North

Re: Patti’s 15 Minutes

Patti, Thanks for the capitals! It would be nice if "political corectness" applied to all if it’s required for some. - Sherry - another Northern European American woman

Reader Submission

I have been driving for nearly 50 years… I would think I should have noticed the little secret on my dashboard that was staring me in the face the whole time… I didn’t……. Have you????

Have you ever rented or borrowed a car and when arriving at the gas station wondered…mmm, which side is the gas filler cap? My normal solution was to stick my head out the window, strain my neck and look, try to see in the side mirrors or even get out of the car! Well ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to share with you my little secret so you will no longer look like Ace Ventura on your way to the gas station or put your neck at risk of discomfort or injury.

If you look at your gas gauge, you will see a small icon of a gas pump? The handle of the gas pump will extend out on either the left or right side of the gas pump? If your tank is on the left, the handle will be on the left? If your tank is on the right, the handle will be on the right (see photo)…… It is that simple! - Tesser

You know Bruce…….the thing that makes RGQ so special is the personal touch that you inject. I read your source articles and the comments on them and usually come away with, if not a different view, a broadened one. The other segments are usually interesting or funny and certainly get you to thinking. I don’t normally comment on any of these because my "old school" ideas are sometimes better off left unsaid….so….I write limerick’s…..and you take the time to say "thanks". Now I want to say thank YOU. - Rick in Roanoke
[Rick, it only takes a moment to click reply and type in a word or two, and I know from personal experience that it’s frustrating writing to a black hole, when you don’t even know if someone’s seen the comment or whatever else it was.

I wish you’d inject your old-school views once in a while. RGQ has never been about everyone agreeing. The last thing I’d want RGQ to be is a bunch of "dittoheads", with everyone parroting the views of everyone else.

RGQ takes a lot of time and effort from a lot of people to make it what it is, and I certainly don’t respond to everything that is sent, but I thought your limerick was funny and all I did was let you know.

Thanks for the thanks!]

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Disclaimer- All quotes printed in this publication are believed to be accurately attributed, but no guarantees are made that some incorrectly attributed, or even outright false quotes won’t get in here from time to time.  I assure readers that I will do my best to weed out incorrect quotes, and will print a retraction as soon as I become aware of any errors.

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