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Greetings, Quotaholics:
I
know we have readers who are lawyers so I hope I don’t end up offending
any of you. (Because a lawyer, once offended, can sue you!) Seriously
though, I want to discuss a recent article I found that deals with lawyers
and judges.
A very common case these days is the "class action". These
types of cases occur when a number of people, the class, have suffered
harm and instead of filing separate lawsuits the cases are combined
into one case.
The payout in such cases is often huge. But it has been my observation
that the only people who get rich are the lawyers. After they take their
cut the remaining settlement is divided among all the members of the
class. Sometimes this amounts to a few dollars per person.
One example of this can be found in an article from the Los
Angeles Times. A woman customer sued a clothing store chain accusing
them of violating privacy laws by asking for personal identification
information when customers used credit cards to make purchases. As the
suit progressed more customers came forward to join the suit as a class.
As part of the settlement, the two sides agreed that Windsor Fashions
would pay the customer who brought the suit $2,500 and her attorney
$125,000. The other customers who came forward as part of the suit would
each be given a $10 gift voucher.
So in this case the lawyer got 50 times more than the client. Everyone
else got 10 bucks. That won’t even buy a shirt at Walmart. I bet it
would buy even less at Windsor Fashions!
I suppose this sort of settlement is typical. What’s not typical is
what happened next.
Los Angeles County judge, Brett C. Klein (now retired) was asked to
preside over a final hearing in the case when a colleague fell ill.
Klein changed the settlement in the case to require that all parties,
including the lawyer, be paid in gift certificates. Because of his actions
the Commission on Judicial Performance recently censured him and barred
him from presiding over future court cases.
"Reached at home, Klein said he was disappointed by the commission’s
decision. He said his role at the January 2009 hearing was to decide
whether the settlement was fair. He noted that customers who claimed
$10 gift certificates were required to buy something at the store in
order to take advantage of the settlement."
"’I thought that the settlement would only be fair if the lawyer
was paid the same way,’ Klein said."
I don’t know Mr. Klein but I’m sure I’d like him. Anyone who uses that
kind of logic is my kind of person. So for once we see a fair decision
by a judge and he gets in trouble for it. I guess that’s why things
never get better in the legal system, everyone starts out as lawyers!
Does it make sense to you that either everyone gets gift certificates
or everyone gets cash? Do you think the judge was so wrong here? Do
you feel that lawyers get too large a share in these types of cases?
Is it right for the lawyer to get more from a settlement than the injured
party does?
Judiciously,
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“A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was
waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.” - Mark Twain
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it.” - Mark Twain [1835 – 1910]
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Job Interview
[Thanks Sied]
Jim needs a job,
and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He
reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much
that everything will be forgiven.
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American
History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.
“You say you have experience selling books?”
“Lots of it,” replies Jim.
“And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of
Michigan?”
“Correct,” replies Jim. “History is my field of study.”
“Well then,” says the sales manager, “As soon as I can complete this
form, we can get you started in the firm.”
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously
pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room,
he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says,
“Fine looking men. Your partners?”
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“Courage - a perfect sensibility of the measure of danger, and a mental
willingness to endure it.”
“I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only
those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans
of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation.
War is hell.”
“In our Country… one class of men makes war and leaves another to
fight it out.” - All from American Union general William Tecumseh Sherman
born on this date in 1820
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Speak right up!
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Story Tellers
Almost everybody know the guy or gal who can take an everyday event
and explain it in such a way that it becomes larger than life, or funnier
than any joke. My father-in-law was that way. He passed away a few years
ago, but he could spin a yarn like nobody’s business.
We would gather for family activities, holidays, or just get together
to visit. Should someone mention something, "Smokey" as he
was known, could relate a personal story to any topic in progress. Not
only that, but it did fit right in with the conversation. We would find
ourselves in tears from laughter as he would begin a monologue of tales.
He was a simple man. His grasp of he English language and it’s grammar
was tenuous at best. He would tell his tale in his rural Ohio accent,
without regard to sentence structure. Sometimes, he would use the wrong
word in a comment. For example, he may use the word ‘exhausted’ when
he meant ‘exasperated’. ‘Exasperated’ would be a "fancy word".
He didn’t use "fancy words".
He was a master yarn spinner, and I don’t mean textiles. After a few
words, we were riveted to what he was saying. It was only moments until
something he would relate would hit us right in the funny bone and we
would erupt in laughter. As he progressed, it would get funnier. The
situations would become more hilarious, culminating in a "grab
your sides and hang on" laugh attack.
We always enjoyed listening to his tales. He just had that way of telling
them. But, to put them in writing, NO WAY! He could no more begin to
write his tales than he could to explain Einstein’s "Theory of
Relativity". He attempted to create a "My Life" book
for family members with someone else taking notes and putting it in
book form. Once he got into his tales, which inevitably happened every
time he opened his mouth to speak, the "writer" simply got
caught up in his tales as we did and became more of as audience than
a transcriber.
I mention this simply because I would like to see a continuing column
in RGQ that was like this. I wonder if there is a writer out there that
can relate life’s activities in a way my father-in-law could, except
do it in writing. My father-in-law could have us in stitches relating
a story about tossing a rock and hitting his brother between the eyes
with it. I miss him and his stories.
Here’s your quiz:
Do you know someone who can "spin a yarn"?
Do you know someone who can write a humorous story that makes you laugh
and feel as you were right there when it happened?
Do you know how to contact them and ask them to use the link below to
contact me?
Story Tellers - Using Language To Entertain And Teach
Cliff (the High-Tech Redneck who doesn’t rate a fancy ’signature pic’)
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Email Kirsten
“Farmers,
merchants, manufacturers, and the traveling public have all had their
troubles with the transportation lines, and the difficulties to which
these struggles have given rise have produced that problem which is
even now apparently far from solution.”
~ John Moody ~
The Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) has had a horrible time with
public relations for the last three months or so. It all started in
mid-November, when the TTC administration voted in favour of a massive
fare hike. The timing was unfortunate: during the same week a contractor
for a residential gas company accidentally dug right through a subway
tunnel and brought down the entire subway line during the evening
rush hour. This was, of course, not the fault of the TTC, but it did
nothing to appease commuters who had just found out that the mere
act of getting to work every day was going to be a lot harder on the
pocketbook.
If it was only the matter of fare increases, maybe the public wouldn’t
have become so angry. I myself had been using monthly Metropasses
for my commutes for almost three years. I was not happy about the
fare hike, but I am sure I would have eventually just come to accept
it. After all, what choice was there? I have to get to work, and during
the week I do not have access to a car. Even if I did, the cost of
parking in mid-town Toronto would have set my teeth on edge. What
pushed me - and no doubt many other commuters - over the edge was
the way the TTC handled the sale of tokens right after the fare hike
was announced.
They started shutting down token machines. They knew that hard-hit
customers would want to try and ease the impact of the fare hike -
or at least to delay it. They knew that the only way customers could
really do this would be stockpile tokens and have a ready supply to
see them through the first few weeks of the increase. And to force
the customers not to stockpile, they stopped customers from buying
tokens, choosing to issue paper tickets instead. The tickets would
only be valid for a couple of weeks after the fare hike came into
effect. Even though I wasn’t actually using tokens myself, I got angry
on behalf of those who did. This act on the part of the TTC seemed
like such a greedy corporate thing to do. If you’re hitting people
hard in the pocketbook in the middle of a recession, those people
should at least be allowed to make the blow softer on themselves.
That is when I decided that I didn’t want to be reliant on the TTC
anymore, and I started car-pooling with a friend from work. It costs
me a little bit more than the TTC does, but it’s far more convenient,
and I’m much happier giving the money to my friend, who is a single
mom with a sick child and a deadbeat ex-husband.
About two weeks after the fare increase came into being, the TTC finally
picked up on the fact that the public were very unhappy with them.
They announced that they were hiring some big guns in the PR world
in an effort to promote themselves in a positive light, and hopefully
win back some commuters who went the same route I did. Unfortunately,
in an ironic twist of timing, this announcement coincided with the
release of a video by a commuter, of a TTC ticket collector taking
a nap in his booth. This was followed a couple of weeks later by a
video of a bus driver stopping mid-route to go into a coffee-shop
for ten minutes, while irate passengers waited on the bus. Now, it
seems, passengers are going out of their way to get digital proof
of TTC workers showing the errors of their way. And TTC workers -
even the good ones - are understandably a little bit paranoid.
As upset and all as I am with the TTC, I don’t know about all of these
video clips coming out of the woodwork. For a start, TTC bylaws state
that passengers may not use photo or video equipment on TTC property
without consent. Secondly, whether the incident was a genuine infraction
or not, this does seem to me to be a form of harrassment against TTC
workers. There is a chance that the videos have captured only brief
moments that have been taken out of context. Maybe the guy who went
into the coffee shop had an urgent need to answer the call of nature,
and there was a lineup. Whatever the true story is, any employee with
a charge against him should have the right to defend himself without
videos being splashed all over the Internet. The TTC, like most organizations,
has official channels for complaint. Would it not be better for customers
to use those channels instead of publicly humiliating the workers
concerned?
As glad as I am to no longer be using the TTC for my regular commutes,
I am even more glad that I do not work for the TTC. Tensions must
be really high for those guys right now, and ultimately, the inevitable
decline in employee morale will carry over into the customer service.
Kaleidoscopically yours,
Kirsten
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Uses For Coffee Filters
[Thanks Deborah]
Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with
a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage
holes.
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Only two for that line. When the line stinks do like Anne and
make up your own!
Next opening line…
There was a young fellow named Clyde…
Hints:
Here’s a great new rhyming/composition tool. http://www.writerhymes.com/
There’s also a great rhyming dictionary at http://www.rhymezone.com/
Limerick rules. http://freespace.virgin.net/merrick.sheldon/limerickrules.htm
Submit
Opening Line
Submit
Limerick
There
was a young lady named Grace—
who had a very pretty face—
until the man came
looking for his next game
which was throwing at her some Mace. - Cassandra in New York |
There
was a young lady named Grace
Who was very lovely of face
Her body also was good
So in the neighborhood
Everywhere she went was a race. - Bonnie |
There was
an old spinster from Fife—
who was quite handy with a knife–
until the day came
that she did something lame,
namely stabbing and ending her life. - Cassandra in New York |
There was
a young fellow named Cass
Who loved to fish for big mouth bass
Because he was bright
He could make the fish bite
While he’d lay by the lake in the grass. - Anne Onimous |
There was
a young fellow named Cass
Who didn’t care to do well in class
So he said with a drawl,
"I’m playing football
So on learning math I’ll take a pass." - Anne Onimous |
There was
a young fellow named Cass
Whose mouth was as big as his a$$
And so ran for congress
Saying he’s for progress
But voters knew he as full of gas. - E. Cole Aye |
William
decided under his freewill
To join the army for a thrill
He said, "Here things are fine
Except for the line
When the sergeant shouts ‘Fire at will!’" - Anne Onimous |
The economy
sadly does ail
So I won’t bore you with each detail.
But this may sound passé
But I received a
Pre-declined credit card in the mail. - Anne Onimous |
The economy
is in ashes
Against congressmen we hold grudges.
Should I be sad or mad
That it is so bad
The Mafia’s laying off judges? - Anne Onimous |
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Re: Facebook
Congratulations on your
innovation!
Still, you’ll probably be disappointed by the up-take- you appended
an unnecessary space on the end of the URL- so clicking on the link
doesn’t work.
Please reissue the link! - John_in_Oz
[I knew I’d screw that up! See if this
link works. By the way, as I write this (Sunday night) we
have 31 fans! Come on, join up.]
Re: Naturists/Naturalist
Just getting to
go for a dog walk lately gives me a thrill. I just found out I have
asthma after a couple of bad bouts with pnuemonia and strep throat.
Mind you, those were a couple of years ago but the damage has been
slowly building. I can go for a (brisk, very brisk) walk now with
our 10 month old Lab mix puppy. She’s an energetic girl, needless
to say.
I
do not get up high, though, definitely acrophobic. I can’t even watch
movies or TV where they have high views or someone in tight places!
But I loved to climb trees as a kid, and did whenever possible. I
think it has something to do with eyes and sinuses as this is getting
worse as I age.
Speaking
of Naturists–my husband was on a survey job one day and ran across
someone who was one of them. He finished the job as quickly as possible
while finding different places to look as the person was an older
man, might have been different with a good looking woman! I think
my hubby would have been happier anyway. - Ruth in WA
Re:
Quote
I love this quote:
"Cheese - milk’s leap toward immortality." - Clifton Fadiman
Why do I
love this quote? because, back in the 80s, my hubby and I decided
to see just what was in that processed individually wrapped cheese
product we had been buying (it was not from the famous American cheese
maker whose name begins with "K"). So we unwrapped a slice,
drew a picture of a house on it with a magic marker, and hung it with
a push pin on our bulletin board. And there it lived, for at least
10 years, in it’s original form. No mold, no disintegration, just
little beads of oil on the surface now and then. TEN YEARS!!!!!!!
You may want to remember this when you think about buying processed
cheese product, and stick with actual cheese.  - Ohiokat
Re: Infection Cure
I’d like to thank
all of you that answered my question. It WAS honey we were talking
about as a treatment for infections. I knew it was something common!
JustKat4Now
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Disclaimer- All quotes printed in this publication are believed to be
accurately attributed, but no guarantees are made that some incorrectly
attributed, or even outright false quotes won’t get in here from time
to time. I assure readers that I will do my best to weed out incorrect
quotes, and will print a retraction as soon as I become aware of any errors.
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If you run across something really outstanding when perusing the archives,
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