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Greetings, Quotaholics:
A
Muslim imam, a Christian priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist monk are locked
in a room with 10 atheists.
Sounds
like the start of a pretty good joke doesn’t it. Turns out it’s
the idea for a new game show in Istanbul, Turkey. A Reuters
article says that Turkish television station Kanal T will name the
new show "Penitents Compete". They plan to begin broadcasting
in September.
“The
prize for converts will be a pilgrimage to a holy site of their chosen
religion — Mecca for Muslims, the Vatican for Christians, Jerusalem
for Jews and Tibet for Buddhists.”
Now
as fun as this show sounds, it has met with some opposition. Muslim
authorities are refusing to provide an imam for the show. “‘Doing
something like this for the sake of ratings is disrespectful to all
religions. Religion should not be a subject for entertainment programs,’
High Board of Religious Affairs Chairman Hamza Aktan told state news
agency Anatolian after news of the planned program emerged.”
Of
course the makers of the show disagree, “‘We are giving
the biggest prize in the world, the gift of belief in God,’ Kanal
T chief executive Seyhan Soylu told Reuters.”
“‘We
don’t approve of anyone being an atheist. God is great and it doesn’t
matter which religion you believe in. The important thing is to believe,’
Soylu said.”
I’d
like to win a trip. I don’t really have a desire to visit Mecca,
but Rome, Jerusalem or Tibet would be fun. Couldn’t someone just
lie to get on the show then lie about being converted in order to win?
“A
team of theologians will ensure that the atheists are truly non-believers
and are not just seeking fame or a free holiday.”
Gasp!
They can tell now? Why doesn’t this “team of theologians”
travel around the world checking out some of the current members of
the cloth? I’ve got a couple of television ministers I’ve
got doubts about. And what about all those priests that are being accused
of molestation, shouldn’t they have been checked out before being
given jobs?
I
think this idea might make for a better joke than game show. I mean,
watching a member of the clergy tell you what a sinner you are. Is that
fun? Couldn’t you just go to church for that? Of course it’s
always more fun to watch someone else get it!
Anyway,
what do you think? Could a show like this possibly work? Is it disrespectful
of religion? Do you think anyone could possibly tell, for sure, whether
someone is an atheist? On the other hand, could anyone be sure the winner
was truly converted?
A
priest, a rabbi, an imam and a monk walk into a bar……
Stop
me if you’ve heard it,
Comment
On This Article
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“Is that seat saved? No, but we’re praying for it!” - unknown
“I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities
he excites among his opponents.” - Sir Winston Churchill
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The
Lie Detector
[Thanks
Nathalie]
John
was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One
day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was
a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about
5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home
from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where
have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked
John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
credit project," said Tommy.
The
robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely
out of his chair.
"Son,"
said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school." "We went to Bobby’s house and
watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?"
asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The
robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and
said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex
Queen." "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When
I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The
robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked
him out of his chair.
Marsha
doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Tommy. After
all, he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked
her out of her chair.
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“I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror
and see an old bastard and realize it’s me.”
“I don’t go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to
look at things.”
“I’m an Atheist…thank God.” - all from Dave Allen, born on this day
in 1936
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Speak
right up!
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Skin
If someone were to take a test in basic anatomy and had to list the
major organs of the body, skin would never be listed. But skin is one
of the major organs, and the most visible one.
Skin… It is an amazing thing. It is ironic that it can be absorbent
yet repellent at the same time. If a person were dehydrated, emersing
them in water could save their lives, even if they were unable to swallow
a single drop. And, if in an arid environment, except for sweating to
regulate body temperature, the skin prevents the loss of internal moisture.
As we are well aware, the skin extends from the top of our heads to
the bottom of our feet, then back up the other side. But there is a
hidden side to our skin. We don’t think of it in these terms, but our
skin has a tube that goes through it from mouth to anus. Skin, albeit
transformed by genes altering it for a particular use, lines this tube
we call the digestive tract. It also lines the pulmonary system in another
tube for breathing.
It comes in an array of colors. Albinos who have no pigmentation are
the lightest coloring. Caucasians are lightly pigmented with melanin,
and regional influences tinge those shades with a wide array of colors.
From a pink, a reddish brown, a light olive, to brown, there is a whole
color wheel of shades. Add in the European, Asian, Mediterranean, Aboriginal,
African, and Polynesian influences and the color spectrum is complete,
from pure white, to dark black, and everything in between. It is only
the amount of melanin in the skin that created this dramatic difference.
Then there’s freckles!
Here’s your quiz:
Were you aware, before today, that there was little difference between
the skin on your arm and the lining of your stomach?
Do you tan easily, or are you one who cannot tan, or does not become
darker in prolonged sun exposure?
Are there areas of your visible skin that are noticeably different than
other areas?
Skin - That Stuff That Holds In All The Other Stuff
Cliff (the High-Tech
Redneck who doesn’t rate a fancy ’signature pic’) 
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Email Kirsten
“If
you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn’t going to
be much fun.”
~ From the television show Rosanne ~
When I was ten I was bitten by a spider. I had been riding my bike
down by the river with a kid who lived around the corner from me.
It was an illicit bike ride; my parents did not approve of this particular
little girl and they didn’t want me playing with her, least of all
without their knowledge or permission. Apart from that, I was expressly
forbidden from going to the river without permission, with or without
my partner in crime. I remember brushing the spider off my leg and
being mildly curious about the tiny little pinprick that was left
behind. I did not think anything of it at the time, instead focusing
my energy on getting home without parental detection - no mean feat,
since the river ran directly in front of my house.
I got away with it, but paid for my sins anyway, when the spider bite
turned out to be a lot more serious than I had initially thought.
That night, I went to bed with a fever. The following morning, I was
nauseous and my leg was throbbing, swollen, and disfigured. The fever
intensified, almost to the point of delirium, and there was no question
of me being able to walk. My alarmed mother took me straight to the
doctor without bothering to call for an appointment first, and the
equally alarmed medical receptionist sent me in ahead of all of the
other patients. The visit passed in a blur. I was hardly aware of
what was going on around me. I just have vague memories of being poked
and prodded and sent home with a couple of prescriptions.
Within a day or so, the fever had broken and I was able to keep down
simple fluids. I was not able to go to school for a week, though.
I was far too weak and it was a couple of days before I could put
any weight on my leg. During this time, my mother was going for weekly
sewing lessons at the field and study centre. That week, she gave
me the choice of staying home in the company of our next-door-neighbour,
or going with her and reading my book in the corner of the classroom.
I opted to go with her; I needed to get out of the house.
That’s the day I met Tanya. She was one of the five or so ladies taking
the sewing classes with my mother, and I thought she was the coolest
grown-up in the entire world. Much to my delight, Tanya and my mom
became firm friends, and before long this friendship extended to embrace
both families. Their family attended every milestone celebration in
our family, and vice versa. When I graduated from high school, Tanya’s
husband provided me with a character reference. Throughout our teen
years, me and my brother spent a lot of time with Tanya’s two kids,
who were conveniently of similar ages to us. If any of the four of
us was in need of a last-minute date, the counterpart in the opposite
family would oblige.
The last time I saw Tanya was at my father’s funeral almost five years
ago. Despite the fact that she was on crutches, she was the picture
of grace and elegance. The reason for the crutches was a great source
of amusement at the time: she had broken her leg playing golf. Unfortunately,
though, in the course of treating the broken bone, cancer was discovered.
Tanya, being one of the most energetic and stubborn people I’ve ever
known, was not deterred. She threw her energy into following a healthy
diet, investigating treatment alternatives, and just generally fighting
for her life for all she was worth. Even when the cancer spread to
her hip, her lungs, and her breasts, she just operated on the assumption
that she was going to come out of it alive. Thoughts of dying never
even crossed her mind until very recently.
At the beginning of April, Tanya’s family was told that she only had
about two weeks to live. She was barely conscious at the time, and
her family started waiting for the inevitable. But as if to defy medicine,
she suddenly rallied. She was able to sit up again, and insisted on
being taken on vacation. Her family obliged and took her to a game
farm for a week. When she returned, she started receiving visitors
again. People started seeing a spark of her old energy and irreverant
sense of humour.
Sadly, though, her comeback couldn’t last. The mind was willing, but
the body was just not able. The cancer touched all parts of her, and
one by one her internal organs started to shut down. Fighting to the
very end, Tanya passed away on the morning of July 4th, 2009.
Back when I was a kid, I thought she was the coolest grown-up ever.
When we went to her house or she came to ours, she would have me in
stitches of laughter with her jokes and her way of making everyday
occurences seem like the funniest thing in the world. She had a strong
will and strong opinions that she was never afraid to share. Her energy
was larger than life; I always thought she must have been a wild child
in her youth. I had many lunches with her - these occasions were always
fun and often insightful. When I was an impoverished student at the
University of Cape Town, Tanya and her husband would always take me
out for dinner when they were in town. And when my Dad was dying,
Tanya was one of the wonderful people who helped keep my mother strong.
I would say “Rest in peace”, but somehow I don’t think Tanya would
approve of that. She’s got the whole of eternity ahead of her, and
I don’t think she wants to waste it by resting. So instead I will
say “Have an everlasting party, have fun, and let some of your laughter
escape from your world into our world from time to time.”
Kaleidoscopically yours,
Kirsten
Comment
On This Article
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Faithy has computer problems again.
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Dave in Ohio said: I’d read it . We all need help to fix the stupid
things we cause.
Trish in Everett, WA said: Tim, I’d read your stuff if it was
7 days a week.
Dave, what did you do? That doesn’t matter, what matters is what’s
wrong with your computer. Care to come clean? 
Trish, I’m not writing 7 days a week, but you should look into a
new hard drive. They’re pretty cheap now, and a lot faster. But chances
are you only have an IDE connection and any computer store you walk
into will try to sell you a SATA drive. If you’re buying a new computer,
they will try to sell you a 64 bit version of Vista. You don’t need
it, and it won’t work with a lot of things. Don’t fall for their bologna,
know what you need and don’t let them sell you things that won’t work
for you.
I know I don’t have the money I want to spend on my computer, so
starting in two weeks (after I get off vacation), you can E-mail
me with your problems for free. If I can’t fix them, at least
I can make fun of you.
Tim a’Musing
Having a Ball with Yarns
Comment
On This Article
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Chocolate
Chip Cookies
Always add the chocolate morsels last to the mix. It’s best when they
are very cold. Just barely stir the morsels in — don’t over mix.
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Another good turnout. Welcome back Lola!
Next opening line…
You can’t be too rich or too thin…
Hints:
Here’s a great new rhyming/composition tool. http://www.writerhymes.com/
There’s also a great rhyming dictionary at http://www.rhymezone.com/
Limerick rules. http://freespace.virgin.net/merrick.sheldon/limerickrules.htm
Submit
Opening Line
Submit
Limerick
When
momma would tuck me in bed…
I’d read in the closet instead.
Horror & classic
& Sci-fi fantastic
They all came alive in my head. - Lola |
When
momma would tuck me in bed
How blest was the life that I led
But as I grew older
Things soon became colder
How swiftly the magic is fled! - Julian, England |
When Momma
would tuck me in bed—
her face would always turn bright red—
for the walls were thin
all the sounds were let in
of her giving her husband some head. - Cassandra in New York |
When momma
would tuck me in bed……..
Nothing would show ‘cept my head.
My ankles, my knees and my feet…….
Tightly wrapped up in a sheet……….
Soon after supper to bed I was led. - Skeeter
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When momma
would tuck me in bed……
My siblings and I well fed……
Somnambulism soon came my way……
(Brother Dave Gardner liked that word.)
After a day of fun and play…….
And I’d rather have watched TV instead. - Skeeter |
When Momma
would tuck me in bed
She would kiss me right on my head
What I wouldn’t give
For this experience to relive
Because since 2003 Mom is dead. - Bonnie >^,,^<
(I love you Mom) |
In the next
few weeks I might skip
Writing limericks, I’m taking a trip
Not really for fun
There is much work to be done
For my sister whose husband is now RIP - Bonnie >^,,^<
(Kinda weird, just wanted everyone to know why i might be missing
in action–so you won’t talk about me LOL)
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When momma
would tuck me in bed,
she’d threaten to knock off my head.
“You come out that door,
you’ll be on the floor,
I’ll make you wish you were dead!” - Mike |
I know that
I’ve told you before—
that you are a classic old bore—
For when you do speak
and open your fat beak
I immediately will snore. - Cassandra in New York |
It’s Monday,
you know what that means—
it says "this is not what it seems"—
We’re out on a caper
while reading the paper
atop the gym’s new balance beam. - Cassandra in New York |
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Re: Insurance Companies
"To win the favor of powerful analysts, for-profit insurers must
prove that they made more money during the previous quarter than a year
earlier and that the portion of the premium going to medical costs is
falling.
Even
very profitable companies can see sharp declines in stock prices moments
after admitting they’ve failed to trim medical costs. I have seen an
insurer’s stock price fall 20 percent or more in a single day after
executives disclosed that the company had to spend a slightly higher
percentage of premiums on medical claims during the quarter than it
did during a previous period. The smoking gun was the company’s first-quarter
medical loss ratio, which had increased from 77.9% to 79.4% a year later.
To
help meet Wall Street’s relentless profit expectations, insurers routinely
dump policyholders who are less profitable or who get sick. "
http://www.opednews.com/articles/Health-Insurance-Exec-Whis-by-Wendell-Potter-090701-739.html
I had that
sitting in my out-box, and I don’t even live in the U.S. Those are the
companies trying to invade Canada, too. - Bob of the North
I wondered what all the hype was about until I got up here to Alaska
and was talking with my brother about my mother’s care. She moved here
from Missouri about a year and a half ago after my dad died.
I found
out that he had an extremely hard time finding a doctor who would take
mom as a new patient. She’s 88 years old and apparently the policy up
here is that when a person reaches 65 many times the doctors drop their
patients because Medicare pays so little or rather has close to a 90-95%
discount. I was appalled. The only reason she has a doctor now is because
his son (my nephew) is a heart specialist doctor and called in a favor.
So I had no
idea how bad the medical situations have been for many people.
We have our
own set of problems with Bill’s company shutting the doors and going
bankrupt. For many years they were self-insured and after one of the
terminals joined the union and started a class-action lawsuit to get
the company to start paying the medical claims in a more timely manner
(the average time between procedure and payment of the claim was a year
or more). Anyway after the lawsuit was started, the company refused
to pay any medical claim for anybody, even though they were taking premiums
out of our checks. We found out that there are very little laws in place
for companies who offer insurance through their self-insured program.
The word "timely" seems to have no meaning for the agencies
who oversee these companies. They do not even fall under the State Insurance
Board - they fall under the Department of Labor who only tells you they’re
investigating. They’ve been "investigating" for the past 3
1/2 years!
Now that he’s
out of work, we can’t even get COBRA because when they went with a regular
insurance company last August, they cancelled the insurance mid-December
and never told the employees - all the while continuing to hold out
insurance premiums. So we’re not eligible for COBRA because we didn’t
have insurance when the company folded - unfortunate for us because
we didn’t know it until we got back denied claims.
Within this
company - this story is multiplied 500+ times.
I don’t have
an answer, but something needs to be done somewhere by somebody! - Noella
Re:
Tim’s Help
Yes David, it probably
is the power supply, which has been threatening to go for a year now–but
I ‘m pretty sure there’s a virus which everything missed because of
the power blips or some other reason. We are going to go ahead and replace
the computer when we can, but our car is dying and the hubby is getting
the parts together to get another one on the road. Like I said, the
car takes the hubby to the job that keeps us fed/clothed/housed so it’s
more important right now. I may be able to get another computer at least
from a relative who is closing a business. And you’d be surprised what
fifty bucks will buy in car parts on the internet! Plus the satisfaction
that the car will be as good as we can get and we will know exactly
what went into it, kind of like our computer! - Ruth
in Washington
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Disclaimer- All quotes printed in this publication are believed to be
accurately attributed, but no guarantees are made that some incorrectly
attributed, or even outright false quotes won’t get in here from time
to time. I assure readers that I will do my best to weed out incorrect
quotes, and will print a retraction as soon as I become aware of any errors.
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