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Greetings, Quotaholics:
Wow.
It’s been a really weird week.
Earlier
in the week we were saddened to hear about the death of Ed
McMahon long time co-host of the Tonight Show. Then just yesterday
we heard the news of the death of Farrah
Fawcett and Michael
Jackson.
I grew up watching the Tonight Show. I would spend hours fantasizing
about what I would say to Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon when I was a
guest on the show. (I don’t quite know what sort of talent I thought
would get me there, but I always dreamed of it anyway.)
Ed’s death wasn’t too big of a surprise though. He was 86
and had been in bad health. After seeing a bunch of clips of him and
Johnny on the news, I told my wife that seeing what has become of late
night television is probably what finished him off.
Farrah was, of course, every boys dream. Blond, beautiful, blond, sexy,
and did I mention blond? Her famous
poster was in every boys room, if mom didn’t go in there often!
I was a little to old for the poster. It came out in 1976 and I was
married in 1975. My wife didn’t seem to think I needed one. But
I saw it and was quite taken by her beautiful hair and pretty smile.
Farrah had been struggling with cancer for some time now and a recent
documentary showed that the end was near for her.
But Michael Jackson was the really shocking loss. Anyone who listened
to music had heard of Michael. He probably had the biggest influence
on popular music since the Beatles.
I was a big fan of the Jackson Five. That is where we first fell in
love with Michael. The cute little boy who first performed with his
brothers at the ripe old age of 4. Who can forget their hits Rockin
Robin, ABC,
I
Want You Back, and The
Love You Save.
But from the beginning it was obvious Michael was the real talent in
the group. When he went out on his own he changed music forever.
A Yahoo
article had this to say; “His 1982 album ‘Thriller’
— which included the blockbuster hits ‘Beat
It,’ ‘Billie
Jean’ and ‘Thriller’
— is the best-selling album of all time, with an estimated 50
million copies sold worldwide.”
“He was perhaps the most exciting performer of his generation,
known for his backward-gliding moonwalk, his feverish, crotch-grabbing
dance moves and his high-pitched singing, punctuated with squeals and
titters. His single sequined glove, tight, military-style jacket and
aviator sunglasses were trademarks, as was his ever-changing, surgically
altered appearance.”
But that’s not what I wanted to write about. Since it’s
been a weird week, and in honor of Michael Jackson’s Thriller,
I thought I would tell you about zombie ants.
Anyone who has lived anywhere where there are fire ants knows how bad
these little pests can be. I was happy to move away from Dallas, Texas
just to get away from them. Years later, when I moved back home to Arkansas,
I was angry to find out that the little buggers had migrated to Arkansas
in the years I was gone.
I hate them so much that when I see a mound I will kick it just to pester
them!
But they might be about to get what they deserve. A Yahoo
article reports that researchers at the University of Texas at Austin
and Texas A&M’s AgriLife Extension Service are working on a natural
control method to control the ants. The tiny phorid fly, native to a
region of South America where fire ants originated seems to be just
the critter to get the job done.
“The flies ‘dive-bomb’ the fire ants and lay eggs.
The maggot that hatches inside the ant eats away at the brain, and the
ant starts exhibiting what some might say is zombie-like behavior.”
“‘At some point, the ant gets up and starts wandering,’
said Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT.”
“The maggot eventually migrates into the ant’s head, but Plowes
said he ‘wouldn’t use the word ‘control’ to describe what is happening.
There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering
aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks.’”
“About a month after the egg is laid, the ant’s head falls off
and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the
mound and lay eggs.”
I told you it was a weird week. Zombie ants! It doesn’t get much
weirder than that.
Maggot Headed,
Comment
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"Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?"
- Artemus Ward
"A prose writer gets
tired of writing prose, and wants to be a poet. So he begins every line
with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose." - Samuel McChord
Crothers
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Alligator
Shoes
A young blonde in
Louisiana wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in
the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
the young Blonde declared, ‘Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and
catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!’
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, ‘Well little lady, why don’t
you go on and give it a try?’
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the
same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in
hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim
, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby
were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its
back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, DANG
!! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!’
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"A man is educated and turned out to work. But a woman is educated
and turned out to grass."
"All things are possible
until they are proved impossible - and even the impossible may only
be so, as of now."
"Chinese are wise in
comprehending without many words what is inevitable and inescapable
and therefore only to be borne." - all from Pearl S. Buck, born
on this day 1892
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Serious
About Shoplifting
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Speak
right up!
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Air
We can go for weeks without food. We can go days without water. Take
away our air, and in only a few precious seconds, we are gone, too.
The current world record for not breathing, voluntarily, is 17
minutes and 4.4 seconds. There have been accounts where trauma
victims have gone without breathing for extended periods of time,
usually in cold water, and survived.
Every living being on this planet breathes, in one way or another.
Atmospheric gasses are consumed and used either as a form of food,
a catalyst for bodily processes, or to combust the nutrients also
ingested. Fish and other aquatic animals absorb oxygen, generally,
through gills. Humans and other animals breathe by the intake of large
quantities of air into lungs. Some microbes and even some multicellular
creatures use a process similar to osmosis to absorb the gaseous elements
they need, even if those elements are not oxygen, as most creatures
need.
All the gaseous elements of the Periodic
Table appear in our atmosphere in one concentration level or another.
Most of the gasses are needed in bodily processes and are absorbed
in the breathing process. Others are the byproducts of those same
processes. The yin-yang of it all comes from the differences the various
life forms produce and how their output becomes the input of another.
Most basic in this arrangement is how humans use oxygen and exhale
carbon dioxide. Green plants use carbon dioxide and output oxygen.
In deep ocean trenches, it has been observed how a shrimp-like creature
darts in & out of thermal vents so they can get to the sulfuric
gasses coming out of these vents. Some bacteria have been observed
to breathe caustic gasses that would kill red blooded creatures. Research
continues to see how and why extremophiles need these elements, what
they "exhale", and how it all fits in the overall scheme
of things. It even has been observed where fungus and mold lives in
seemingly solid rock, yet still breathes.
What cannot be denied is the commonality of all living organisms needing
air to breathe. We may need different elements contained in that air,
and we may absorb those elements differently, but we all breathe.
Here’s your quiz:
What is the foulest smell you smelled while breathing?
Do you find it more difficult or easier to breathe when it’s clear
or stormy?
Do you notice some areas have a distinctive smell? I don’t mean the
city dump.
Do you find it easier to breathe in a forest, on a beach, or somewhere
else?
Air - Not Just Something We Put On To Impress Others
Cliff (the High-Tech
Redneck who doesn’t rate a fancy ’signature pic’) 
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Email Kirsten
“I
am glad to know that there is a system of labor where the laborer
can strike if he wants to! I would like to God that such a system
prevailed all over the world”
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
Human beings can have very strange priorities. For instance, I will
frequently stay up late tending my virtual farm on Facebook instead
of going to bed, even though I am seriously sleep-deprived. We keep
hearing stories about people who spend all of their wages on alcohol
while their families starve. Many years ago, a friend of mine sacrificed
his job, his house, and the woman he loved, all so he could indulge
his love of gambling. There are countless examples of people thinking,
saying, and doing things that are contrary to what makes good sense.
Over the last week, I have seen a very interesting social example
of this. It all started when the municipal workers went on strike.
This meant that all city services deemed to be non-essential have
been put on hold. City-run daycares are closed, community centres
are closed, no maintenance is being done in parks or city-run buildings,
and city-run programs are suspended. Worst of all, no garbage collection
is happening. Garbage is starting to pile up on kerbsides, public
trash receptacles are being sealed up with “Out of Service” notifications,
and garbage is being dumped illegally by people who don’t have the
time or inclination to fight their way through the picket lines at
the garbage transfer stations.
It’s a situation that stinks. Quite literally. It could go on for
some time, and people are certainly voicing their disapproval over
the whole thing. There’s no really passionate outcry, though. In this
day of swine flu and Lord knows what else, people are surprisingly
calm about the fact that we are in a situation that could very easily
result in the spread of disease and the invasion of rats and other
undesirables. We could degenerate into a dirty city that’s a health
hazard to be in. It would be a stretch to say that people don’t care,
but they are a lot more accepting of the situation than one might
expect.
Then the LCBO announced that they might go on strike, and all hell
broke loose. The LCBO is the Liquor Control Board of Ontario, and
they are the authorized sellers of wine and spirits in the province.
The same people who were only mildly upset about the prospect of garbage
piling up outside their houses were absolutely outraged about the
idea of having their alcohol supply cut off. People flocked to their
local LCBO stores in droves the day before the strike deadline. Newspapers
carried pictures of long line-ups of customers, all with their shopping
carts filled to overflowing with alcoholic beverages.
As it turned out, a tentative deal between the LCBO management and
the striking workers was struck at the very last second, thereby averting
a strike. The morning of the strike deadline, as the announcement
was made, much of Ontario breathed a collective sigh of relief. People
were a lot happier knowing that they could still go to their local
LCBO for a bottle of booze. Of course, anyone who actually did go
was confronted with empty shelves due to the buying frenzy of the
previous day. And there is still the possibility of a strike, but
we have been assured that our alcohol supply is safe for the duration
of the summer.
In the meantime, the garbage continues to pile up as the city workers
continue to strike. My opinion of both the striking city workers and
the almost-striking LCBO workers is that their demands are way out
of touch with the ailing economy. They want stuff that by far exceeds
what the rest of us have. But talk about strike action and unions
could get political really quickly, and if I start getting political
here, Bruce will rise up from the murky depths and shoot me in the
kneecaps.
Kaleidoscopically yours,
Kirsten
Comment
On This Article
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Write
to Faithy
Faithy’s Freaky
Sites (and free downloads)
Happy
Friday RGQ!!! In writing up my column for Monday, (yes I do them all
at once, usually on Sunday, like today) (well it was) I came across
an interesting tidbit I would like to share with you today, June 26th,
the “birthday” of the UN Charter; a direct result of the world’s response
to needing a Second World War. It was, and still is, a Noble attempt
for man-kind to rise above his petty personal concerns and see himself
as a part of a greater whole.
The
History Channel has a nice little blurb and video here,
http://www.thehistorychannel.co.uk/site/this_day_in_history/this_day_June_26.php
From
the Official UN Site
www.un.org/aboutun/history.htm
And
a Nice Pictorial view:
www.un.org/UN50/Photos/intro.html
As
a light ending for today’s message, there is another interesting story
listed as having occurred on June 26th, 1284, According to legend,
the Pied Piper re-appears in the German town of Hamelin. After ridding
the town of rats the townspeople refused to pay him. So he began playing
his pipe and 130 children from the town followed him into a cave in
Koppenburg Mountain which he then sealed.
PipedPipingly,
 the
Freeloader
With another load of _ _ _ _
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Carol in California wrote in suggesting I start a “Dear Tim” column,
where I answer readers’ questions about computers. I do that anyway,
only usually people send an e-mail to Bruce, and Bruce forwards it
to me. Sometimes I’ll use them as articles if I think the question
would pertain to other readers, but usually I just e-mail the person
directly. I’m not going to do a “Dear Tim” column exclusively, but
I may do one occasionally if there is a question you’d like to ask
me.
There are some things you have to understand. First, it isn’t likely
that I can answer your question in one e-mail. There will probably
be an exchange of e-mails, and I will have to edit your e-mails before
they are used in an article. And if you send me a stupid question,
I’ll probably make fun of you before answering a question. I’ll probably
do it even if you ask me a good question. Plus, I’m not really good
at being anonymous, as my sister Karen (not Karen’s real name) can
attest.
But I will try to help you eventually. The question is, do you need
help? Will you send me questions? Or should I open this up to non-computer
joke questions as well? I think that might go over better, but only
you can decide. And as Bruce likes to say, I’m not a mind reader.
Somebody has to tell somebody, so you might as well start with me.
First, I want to show you Carol’s example letter, and my response:
Dear Tim,
I have and/or “had” Norton Password Manager. Due to different
computer difficulties, it won’t let me into my original sign-in; I’ve
had to create a new identity and slowly start to rebuilt my stash
of sign-ins and passwords. BUT… this has made me very, very angry.
I’ve done searches on the Internet for password generators/automatic
sign-in software. I’ve come across a lot, some free, some cost bucks.
I don’t mind paying, as long as I own it and it’s not a yearly subscription.
Do you, Tim, have any knowledge of these different programs and can
you lead me to the right choice? I would like something that generates
a ridiculously long alpha/numerical password, and then remembers it
for me and won’t give it to anyone else. Also, on websites that stipulate
the length of a password, is this a problem for those programs?
Thanks, dear Tim, looking forward to hearing from you.
Carol, in California
Dear Carol,
Thanks for writing. I love getting letters from dipshits. One
of two things happened: You didn’t back up your important data (passwords
are important, right?), or you forgot your master password. Either
way, thanks for the laugh…
Tim
I’ll address her question later, if you are interested. I don’t use
a password manager, but I’ve done some research for Carol. Don’t expect
that to ever happen again. In the mean time, there’s a link just below
my signature that says “Comment on this article.” Use it. Or don’t.
Tim a’Musing
Having a Ball with Yarns
Comment
On This Article
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Icings
Thin buttercream icing with evaporated milk or warm water. Use only
a little liquid and use a icing spatula to mix in.
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These just keep getting better. Keep em
coming!
Next opening line…
My boss is a pain you know where…
Hints:
Here’s a great new rhyming/composition tool. http://www.writerhymes.com/
There’s also a great rhyming dictionary at http://www.rhymezone.com/
Limerick rules. http://freespace.virgin.net/merrick.sheldon/limerickrules.htm
Submit
Opening Line
Submit
Limerick
Our
food rhymes must come to an end—
before we all go ’round the bend—
I can’t think of more words
I just think of bean curds
so now I’ll give up and hit "send". - Cassandra in New
York |
Our
food rhymes must come to an end…….
What topics will we use then?
Mayhem and strife……..
Unimportant things in life?
Or good things about a friend. - Skeeter |
Our food
rhymes must come to an end……
Something else will come up my friend……
Like "peace and good will"………
Or life "on the hill"……..
Then each of us will hit "send". - Skeeter
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Our food
rhymes must come to an end……
Then to us someone will ‘tend……….
With topics so fine……
Maybe even sublime……..
We’re waiting for you our friend. - Skeeter |
Our food
rhymes must come to an end
But I really have no idea why, my dear friend.
Just because Julian
Thinks we are hooligans
I say—over for us he can bend!!! - Marsha in Michigan
(Just kidding, Julian!!) |
Our food
rhymes must come to an end
And not a moment too soon, don’t pretend
There isn’t a definite limit
To rhymes with food in it
But turnout was good, I commend. - Bonnie |
Our food
rhymes must come to an end
Take this tip from a well-meaning friend:
Even though, Mike,
You’re a guy we all like
They’re a trend that it’s hard to defend -
Julian, England |
As I stare
at my note, I’m sighing
The truth can often be biting
Instead of an actor
Should have been a doctor
For I can’t read my own handwriting. - Anne Onimous
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My wife
let me hire a maid
My messy office didn’t her dissuade
She entered the mess
To make clean, I guess. . .
I haven’t seen her for a decade. - E. Cole Aye |
My wife
let me hire a maid
To clean but ’twas just a charade.
The wife was big and fat
On her butt she just sat
The maid’s to be the wife "upgrade." - E. Cole Aye |
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Re: Gasoline Prices
Despite being the largest source of oil for the US, Canadians have always
paid more per gallon, but not as much as Europeans. I think that even
European tax rates have been far too low. Oil is far too valuable and
dangerous to waste on having the middle class haul tons of steel fashion
accessories around all the time.
I usually buy gas at the Co-Op, because I own a share of the refinery,
etc, and usually boycott a couple of brands outright. Defying the courts,
Exxon still hasn’t settled for the Valdez disaster, while the plaintiffs
die of disease, despair and old age.
I watch the price of gas, and feel relieved when it rises and people
start to adopt sensible habits. They might buy one of the high-mileage
cars I’m restoring. If I had my druthers, no vehicle would weigh more
than its payload, and we’d be getting hundreds of miles per gallon,
with no loss of safety or fun, and either no traffic jams and parking
woes, or fewer expressways and car parks cutting up neighborhoods. If
NASCAR or Formula 1 had just reduced the allowable fuel by 10% every
year or so, we’d have had a clue about what to do, and had an extra
decade to avoid climate change. Instead, we managed things to maximize
quarterly profits, in a race to the crashing finish. - Bob of the North
Re: Cliff and Rain/Water
I do sing in the rain, and
some times I go outside during the rain if it is warm and no thunder
and lightening is around. I have been known to jump in a few puddles,
and especially now that I live where I do, cause there are puddles round
here worthy of jumping in. LOL! - Signed A Kid At Heart, Tazz!
You bet I sing in the rain!! Especially after a period of weeks without
any. We have 3 rain barrels. They are made from old 55 gallon plastic
drums, and two are linked, so my veggie bed has over 100 gallons available
via a hose to drippers. The single unit one waters flower beds and fills
the bird bath. Your question about playing in puddles brought back a
long ago memory. When we had flash storms that dumped a lot of water
fast on the street where I grew up, my brother and I made paper boats
and ran out to the curb to float them down the street. We had to run
after them and scoop them out when the water reached a storm drain.
Today I prefer dry feet. - Nancy L in Ohio
Re: Graduation
Trish said:
This kind of ’showboating’ only adds to their enjoyment as well as their
families. Telling that young man to sit down instead of getting his
diploma is a much bigger disruption to the ceremony. This is one time
the administration is way wrong and deserves to hear from the whole
community as well as a few attorneys. What a heartache for the parents
- first a thrown kiss and then a slap to the face!
The school warned the student body in advance to behave like proper
adults. The student in question did not. He was then made to suffer
the consequences of his actions. I’m not sure why the school should
be sued for enforcing the rules.
If this "showboating" was for the enjoyment of the student
body, how happy were the rest of the students who actually obeyed the
rules? They could have made asses of themselves as well, but they followed
the rules. Everyone could have been whooping and hollering and carrying
on and the whole thing could have looked like a three ring circus rather
than a dignified event marking the transition from childhood to adulthood.
But most of the students followed the rules. Congratulations to them.
And the kid graduated and he has a high school degree. He probably even
has the piece of paper. And maybe next year, when the student body is
told to behave decorously, they will. Or maybe you think that rules
are just there for the heck of it and anybody who needs to be "special"
and "above the rules" should be accommodated? That doesn’t
seem like a good life lesson to me. - the cranky oldster
[This
reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, Pirates
Of The Caribbean - "You’re pirates. Hang the code, and hang
the rules. They’re more like guidelines anyway."]
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Disclaimer- All quotes printed in this publication are believed to be
accurately attributed, but no guarantees are made that some incorrectly
attributed, or even outright false quotes won’t get in here from time
to time. I assure readers that I will do my best to weed out incorrect
quotes, and will print a retraction as soon as I become aware of any errors.
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If you run across something really outstanding when perusing the archives,
I’d appreciate it if you’d mail me at TheBestOfRGQ@yahoo.com
and point it out to me. I’m in the process of compiling an e-book
called, not surprisingly, The Best of RGQ, and I’d like to hear from you
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